Can’t get enough of those dad jokes? Do you love to see your favorite people laugh after giving you the eye-roll? These jokes will do the trick!
1. Spooky.
Which plants in the forest are scary? Bam-BOO!
2. Temperature Jokes Can be Temperamental
What’s faster, hot or cold? Definitely hot, because you can catch a cold.
3. Body Joke Without the Body
What has no body and no nose? Nobody knows!
4. Inception of Dad Jokes
How does a joke become a dad joke? It has to be apparent.
5. Funny Rides
Why was the bicycle unable to stand by itself? It was two tired.
6. Ron Swanson for Class Clown
“What is Capitalism? It’s God’s way of determining who’s smart and who’s poor.”
Similarly, there are various Swanson quotes that are downright hilarious!
7. Jokes too Old to Funny
Why are jokes about retired people not funny? Because they don’t work anymore.
8. Don’t Push too Hard Though
“Have you seen the movie Constipation?”
“No.”
“That’s because it hasn’t come out yet.”
9. Number Jokes
Why is six is scared of seven? Because seven eight nine.
10. Hear Him Out
Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
Candidate : “I believe that my biggest weakness is listening.”
11. Sharing is Caring
Guest to the waiter: “I’ll take what the lady at the next table is having”
Waiter: “But sir, I don’t think she wants to share it.”
12. Hair-Raising Food
Guest: “This is outrageous. There is a hair in my soup.”
Waiter: “Well what do you want at this price? A whole wig?!”
13. When the Conductor’s a Realist
An optimist will see light at the end of a tunnel and think that it’s an exit. Whereas, a pessimist will see that that it is a train coming towards him. The train conductor, will simply see two stupid guys arguing on train tracks.
14. It Has to be Connected to Electricity, Obviously
How can you rob a snowman? With a hairdryer.
15. Space Jokes
There’s a claustrophobic astronaut. He just needs a little space.
16. Holy Moses
Do you know how Moses makes his tea? He brews.
17. To Key or Not to Key
How do you prevent a bagel from escaping? Put lox on it.
18. Don’t Jump into Conclusions so Soon
What happened to the couple that exchanged their bed for a trampoline? They hit the roof.
19. Banner Bummer
What is big and green and constantly cries? The incredible Sulk.
20. Obviously Obvious
What has four legs, one foot and one head? A bed.
21. I’m La-Fin Out Loud
Do you know the difference between a fish and a piano? You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish!
22. Striking Fashion Statements
What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunderpants.
23. It’s Not Happy Now…
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off its tail… it will be de-lighted!
24. Rubber Piggy
What is the name of that guy with the rubber toe? Roberto.
25. Avoid The Boogery-Ones
Why was the snowman rummaging through a packet of carrots? He was just picking his nose!
26. Silent Sniper
Nobody heard the Pterodactyl go to the toilet. Why?
Because the “P” is silent.
27. Robbed Me of My Breath Laughing
“Knock knock.”
“Who is it?”
“Robin”
“Robin who?”
“Robin you, now hand over everything you have.”
28. It Must be Grumpy
This morning I accidentally drove into the back of a car at a traffic.
The driver got out and turns out he was a dwarf. He said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
29. A Rib-sky Bet
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Suddenly he notices that there’s a large chunk of meat nailed to the bar’s ceiling, so he asks the bartender, “Why are they nailed like that?”
The bartender replies, “If you can jump up and pull that meat down, you’ll get unlimited free beer for the night. But if you fail, you’ll have to pay $100 to the bar. Do you want to play?”
The man refuses, saying, “Nah, the stakes are too high!”
30. Damn those Pesky DIY Furnitures
Why do Norwegians build their own tables? No Ikea!
31. You Mast Be Kidding Me
What are bald sea captains most concerned about? Cap sizes.
32. Pee Jokes Are Never Un-funny
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed.
33. Joke that Hasn’t Become Extinct Yet
What would you call a T-Rex that’s been badly beaten up? A Dino-sore.
35. Always In Character
My girlfriend said to me, “I’m sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up.”
I said, “Even better – we can cover more ground that way.”
36. Don’t Ask Y
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
37. Silly Computer!
When I tried to change my password to “14days”, the computer said that it was two weeks.
38. Nicely Roasted
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Chick!”
“Chick who?”
“Chick your oven, I can smell something burning!”
39. Very Prime Jokes
You know what’s really odd? Numbers you can’t divide by two.
40. People Can be too Gullible
A very tired man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks, “Long day?”
“No, all days are 24 hours long,” the guy replies.
41. But Was He Put Together Though?
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…
And a pretty good spring and summer, too.
42. Mirror Mirror On the Wall, Who’s the Funniest of Them All?
Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
43. Just Type PANZER
Two fish are inside a tank.
One asks the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
44. Thirsty to Get In
“Knock Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Water.”
“Water who?”
“Water you doing? Just open the door!”