By Ashley Verma, Bizzimumzi
Sometimes a promotion or a fantastic opportunity or even just a craving for adventure can see us make a “big move”. I’ve has a few of those: to New York; to London; to motherhood. And I recently made another biggie. My partner has been working in East Africa for some time, meaning that he has had to spend large chunks of time in Uganda while I was in London, effectively solo parenting. We managed. But we’ve now taken the plunge, and the whole family (including a dog) has moved to Uganda.
Based on my experiences with my two and half year old daughter, here are some of my practical tips to help make that ‘big move’ a success. I can only speak of my own experience as a Mom to a toddler. I imagine having an older child has greater layers of complexity involving friendship groups, school sports and even first loves which create a deeper element that I have yet to experience. What I do know and will always hold close to my heart is that whatever I project will bounce onto my daughter, so I have tried my best to stay positive and communicate properly to her. I wanted her to thrive in the moving process and to make her transition to Uganda as smooth as possible.
Travel with your kids young
Regardless of whether it’s a short flight, a long-haul flight or a car ride for 8 hours, do it! While I understand the fear that you are going to ‘disrupt’ others around you on a flight or in a restaurant you are not a regular at, introducing your child at a very young age to different environments really sets them up to feel comfortable with travel and changing settings. It is, of course, your responsibility to teach the child to treat others with respect and to be considerate of other travellers but they will achieve this much more quickly if they are exposed to new environments and taught how to behave in these places from a young age. Your child is allowed to take up space wherever they go, and other passengers will most likely be understanding if they can see you are allowing them to learn that.
Talk to your little one about the big move
Leading up to our big move from London to Uganda, we talked lots and lots about it, especially why we were doing the move and what to expect. Adiya had already been to Uganda a couple of times, so she was already pretty comfortable with the environment. We looked at all the photos we had taken on previous trips, and we talked about how we would be back at her favourite play area and that family members would be coming there to visit. Pictures were super helpful. Even if you haven’t been to your new location, get pictures of what to expect to experience. My daughter was super engaged in this, and I feel it made it easier to say goodbye to London and hello to Uganda.
Kids Call the Shots
Adiya was 2.5 years old for our first big move. Yes, very young but she is a very present, emotional child. She was very much a part of the packing process and I encouraged her to use her words or express what she wanted to keep and what went into storage. It truly is about empowering your child and making them feel as much a part of the process as possible. She had major attachment to certain toys and books, and even her legion of animals that sleep with her at bedtime. I let her know what suitcase they were going in and that they would be there when we landed in Uganda. She may be 2.5 years old but she knew exactly what suitcase her toys were in and was delighted to welcome them when we arrived.
Don’t Hide the Clear Out
Moving can actually be therapeutic and perhaps referred to as the ‘great clear-out’. I highly advise to not hide what you are donating to charities, giving to friends/family or simply taking to the rubbish bin. My daughter watched it all and I explained it all. I even asked her what she really didn’t like anymore so we could give that to another friend that would really love it. She was delighted to make that pile. We knew of a family that was expecting their third baby girl and they visited us one day and my daughter offered toys to the expecting Mom’s baby bump. It was incredibly cute and my daughter was very pleased.
New Home Ready
My husband was in Uganda during the packing up process and clearing out of our London flat. We did lots of FaceTiming to show our daughter what her new room would be like. She helped with picking out her wall stickers and her bed, and she was most excited about her table/chairs for her ‘painting station’ – it made her squeal. She was very present and aware of what was going on and it was good for us to feel her excitement and have her be a part of it all.
Travel Day Ready
Our daughter has been on many long-haul flights and even loves long car journeys. We exposed her to this from day one. As mentioned before, we allowed her to always take up her space and we knew to never apologise for a cry here and a tantrum there. It’s a part of the parenting process. I had a calendar with Travel Day marked on it. We packed one bag plus laid out her travel day outfit a few days before so there were no surprises. In her travel bag, I am always equipped with washable crayons, drawing paper and the real life saver … STICKERS. We always travel with these easy-to-remove puffy stickers (found on Amazon) as she puts them all over the airplane seat and they are easy to peel off and place back on the cards. Let me tell you, it fills up so much travel time on the flight as if she puts up 100 stickers, she then has to remove them all. It’s a fab game and keeps for calm engagement on the flight.
Overall, constant dialogue was key and, to be fair, I think it was also helping me along the way. My entire adult life was city life. I found moving easy to navigate pre-Mom but this put that move in the shade, and the constant dialogue was important for everyone involved to level out emotions and to make good decisions as a family unit. It all turned out to be a positive experience, but it could have gone completely the other way if it hadn’t been for a thorough game-plan and approaching this positively.
Our daughter’s transition was pretty smooth as we stuck to a similar routine to that of London life. She was enrolled in a couple classes within the first week of arriving and she was busy making new friends and, more importantly, new memories.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ashley is a mom, founder of the Bizzimumzi podcast, and Define London fitness studio. She is a former Broadway performer and celebrity trainer. Through Bizzimumzi Ashley has created a welcoming community to share the highs and lows of parenting, and inspire others to feel empowered in their journey. Ashely believes the most perfect picture of parenting is simply when you are trying your best. Bizzimumzi is a safe space that helps parents to inspire, educate and support each other to be the best parent they can be.
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