“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” The first sentence of Leo Tolstoy’s novel Anna Karenina refers to times when getting divorced was extremely reprehended by society and nearly impossible to do.
Fortunately, times have changed, and so an attitude to divorces did. But the fear stayed. It may be connected with your own opinion that divorce is bad that has been cultivated by mass media, your circle of contacts, or even your parents since you were a kid. Either way, being afraid of divorce has more to deal with your mental prejudices than reasonable factors.
For example, if you’re married to a narcissist who is not willing to work in a team with you anymore, it does not mean that you are obliged to spend the rest of your life right next to them. However, people do change throughout their lives, so you can now be married to another person than they were 20 years ago. So why not to find reasons to let things get better?
Divorce Does Not Mean You Failed
Many couples seek to preserve their marriage for fear of public disapproval and disappointment. Spouses listen to the opinions of older family members, relatives, friends, or even neighbors and colleagues and feel unhappy for years.
The best thing you can do is stop paying attention to those opinions and stay with what is best for you. When seeking advice, make sure that you ask the right person for it – somebody who wishes you well and makes your wellbeing priority of the advice.
Divorce is a mature and balanced decision of two people when they know nothing else would work for them. Both you and your husband or wife should come to it based on personal interests. For the divorce to be relatively painless, you need to think about how you will live on. When a married couple is aware of their actions, others should perceive their decision with respect.
It’s Time to Examine Your Dignity
The lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem make a lot of people endure unhealthy relationships. Those who do not see their values and merits, on a subconscious level, may feel like they do not deserve love or any better, or worse, may accept someone who mistreats them.
If you are familiar with those feelings and, at the same time, have a clear mind to make a decision, divorce would not be the end of your life. It would be the beginning of you putting yourself first and finding ways to feel happy on your own. Start investing in yourself, forgive your past mistakes, and think only about the future. As long as you do not take care of yourself, others will not either.
Achieve Financial Freedom
It is quite a common situation when people continue to live together despite the faded feelings and lack of understanding because of the fear of being left without money. Financial independence will allow you to avoid conflicts in your marriage.
It is an essential thing to consider before getting married, because staying an independent unit and engaging in self-development will allow you to make your own decisions, and devote time to professional growth when married. Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page to limit the possibility of future conflicts.
You Can Still Be a Family
Having children stops many people from getting divorced. Everyone knows the negative consequences – children will experience feelings of guilt, anxiety, and insecurity. But from the opposite point of view, in an unhappy marriage, kids have to watch their parents arguing and fighting daily and continuously feel the tension.
If the relationship between partners got abusive, has cooled and played out, getting divorced is the choice everyone will benefit from in the long run. Kids will eventually become happier that conflicts will have vanished from their families.
When kids are your priority, during the divorce process, make sure that you have created the most comfortable conditions for them and established the custody rules as evenly as possible. This will help them get through this period with both of you.
Find Your Motivation
Divorce will require some time for grieving and pain to go away. It is the part you cannot hide from. But letting those feelings flow rather than suppressing them will allow you to let it go once the process is over. These memories will remain as a part of a difficult period of life.
To get through a divorce faster, find motivation, set new goals, and enjoy new opportunities. You no longer have to consult anyone. You can make your own decisions and that can be extremely empowering.
If you experience difficulties when ending your marriage, find people who have experienced the same things. Discuss all the things that are eating you, exchange ideas and plans for the future. Having it spoken out will help you understand that there is nothing wrong with divorcing, and life goes on.
Accepting that someone so close to you may become a stranger once you are divorced is challenging. Divorcing a husband or a wife may be as painful as losing someone who has passed away. However, those painful experiences are the most valuable because they allow us to learn, accept the truth, and grow mentally.
If you are going to get divorced, it is useful to know that you, as an individual, are worth no less than a married person. It will help you conquer any fear connected to this process and see how much more you can do and how happy you can be.