By Aine O’Neill, Toastmasters International
Listening to Whitney Houston sing is always a thrill. I particularly love the song:
Give me one moment in time
When I’m more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Have you ever had a moment like this? One where your talents and true inner potential came to the fore? Where your ability defied all your personal limitations and all preconceptions about you, having the potential to surprise your peers, colleagues, business associates and even yourself? A few such times spring to mind for me. Times when I stunned my colleagues, bosses and teachers with what I said or how I performed.
The first time it happened was in my final year in secondary school. I was landed with a major part in the school play just one day before it was due to be showcased to the entire school. One cast member had to pull out unexpectedly and I was tapped on the shoulder and asked if I could take her place. At that point I didn’t know any of the lines and would have to sing solo on stage. I took on the challenge and not only did I manage to pull it off, I enjoyed it.
The teachers however were amazed that someone who they perceived to be quiet, shy and timid could do anything of the sort. It happened again, years later, when I landed on solid ground following a paraglide in the Austrian Alps. And again, when I came from behind to win a karaoke competition in work.
Different people said the exact same thing to me after each of these events;
“I never knew you had it in you!”
What struck me here is that I did know I had it in me. The challenge I had been presented with had reached inside and pulled my ability out for all the world to see. My peer’s genuine expression of surprise got me thinking that so many of us could tragically go through life without showing our inner talents simply because they either haven’t had the chance to shine through or weren’t brave enough to reveal them to the world.
I did ask myself the question why hadn’t others seen this side of me before? Reality is perception based and is grounded in social interaction. When judging others, we ask ourselves if they fit our version of normality, do they speak, act, dress and behave as we think they should? We make a split-second decision and categorise them accordingly. This judgement is mirrored onto our peers and consequently our version of ourselves is made up of a mix of who we think we are and who others think we are. This can lead to us limiting what we put out to the world.
To have any chance at changing this perception and tapping into our inner potential we need two things: opportunity and bravery.
The first, opportunity, comes from an external source. By their very nature opportunities present themselves unexpectantly. We may, therefore, be caught on the hop or feel unprepared to take them on. The window to seize the opportunity could pass us by leaving us with feelings of regret and frustration that we didn’t have the gumption to take the plunge.
The big obstacle most people face when deciding to take up an opportunity is self-doubt. So how can you overcome this and allow your true potential to come to the fore? The solution lies in garnering inner strength so that you do bite the bullet and go for it. This is the second ingredient in the equation.
Remember that our feelings can form a pattern. When an opportunity attracts you hope and enthusiasm will be the frontrunners. Self-doubt, however, is never far behind. It can stifle any courage that was beginning to surface. What is needed during these times is to hold your nerve until you are through this rather unpleasant pattern of feelings.
The following steps may help ease a daunting experience can be and prevent us from shying away from potential opportunities at work and other areas of life;
- Visualise a successful outcome. Think of the benefits that this event or project will lead to. How will your self-perception change? How will your self-image improve as a result?
- Be brave enough to give the opportunity a go. You are bound to learn something even if it doesn’t turn out quite as planned. You’ll feel better for trying, and others will admire you for your courage.
- Keep a notebook of how you are feeling during the initial period of a new role. You will notice the pattern described above; the emergence of self-doubt and unease, gradually giving way to a more familiar experience. This can be used to draw solace when taking on future opportunities.
- Look to someone you admire in the world of work, or in a favourite sport/hobby. Think of any possible struggles they may have had. Or read their autobiography and find out how they overcame challenges. How can you learn from these?
- Learn from yourself. Build on any positive experiences you have had in the past, no matter how small. Write down how you mastered those tasks. List any struggles you had along the way and how you overcame them.
- If a challenge you have taken on feels like a mountain, break your tasks down into smaller chunks and work on them, step by step.
Rather than shying away from an opportunity, hold your nerve as you navigate the choppy waters of self-doubt. By building up positive experiences you find you can harness the power of your inner strength. Then your true abilities can begin to shine.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Aine O’Neill is a member of Toastmasters International, a not-for-profit organisation that has provided communication and leadership skills since 1924 through a worldwide network of clubs. There are more than 400 clubs and 10,000 members in the UK and Ireland. Members follow a structured educational programme to gain skills and confidence in public and impromptu speaking, chairing meetings and time management. To find your nearest club, visit www.toastmasters.org