The North East of England is home to many military families. With regimental headquarters and barracks at Gateshead, Durham, Catterick Garrison, Newcastle, and across North Yorkshire, the region is accustomed to nurturing army personnel, veterans and their families. Indeed, we’re immensely proud of those dedicating their lives to military service. If you’re one such military family, you’ll know how difficult those return visits can be. After all, there’s a likelihood that your loved one will return from service a changed person, perhaps both physically and mentally.
Whether they’re home for a matter of weeks or months, or have returned to the family permanently, your loved one’s arrival is likely to inspire mixed emotions on both sides. So, what can you say – and do – to make this transition easier?
Life in the Army and the Difficult Move Home
There’s no denying that the army is a unique career choice, being one that affects the whole family. You’ve no doubt got used to your partner, child, father, mother or relative spending extended periods away from home. What can come as a shock, though, are the emotional changes that are bound to occur in your loved one during their time away. Indeed, there’s still a great deal of stigma surrounding the mental health issues that are associated with the armed forces; but how could they not be affected by what they’ve seen, heard, and experienced? Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is real; it’s a condition affecting many of our returning armed forces personnel, whether they come home injured, bear the mental scars of their service, or return apparently unscathed.
Perhaps the greatest challenge facing our returning military men and women is the loss of hierarchy and the camaraderie they become so used to while on tours of service. Despite the dangerous tasks facing those in the armed forces, the structure is a safe, reassuring one to those that have spent their lives serving. Life on so-called ‘Civvy Street’ can feel very different. Your loved one doesn’t want to be a burden to the family and will find it difficult to reverse the role that he or she has become so accustomed to playing. The support that you’re able to offer your loved one will become an integral part of their new life back at home – regardless of how long that help might be needed.
Some of the things you can do to offer support include:
Understanding
It’s important to take the time to understand your loved one; make yourself available to listen whenever they might want to talk, but try not to push them into difficult conversations that they’re not ready for. Let the individual know it’s okay to not be okay and that you’ll face each new battle together. Your acceptance will support and reassure them with very few words being needed.
Watching for Signs of Stress
It can be very difficult for members of the armed forces to admit they’re struggling, so keep an eye out for signs of stress and stress-related illnesses. That will enable you to act appropriately without ever having to ask how they are. Fatigue, lack of appetite, frequent colds and viruses, aches and pains, and headaches can all signal that something’s wrong, so be prepared for physical symptoms as well as emotional troubles.
Supporting Those Everyday Tasks
Of course, some of the support you’re going to be able to offer will be practical, as well as emotional. After a little readjustment, your loved one is likely to need a new job and to find his or her place within the local community. Don’t push; work together to create a plan of action, and suggest community and social events that your loved one might feel comfortable taking part in. It can be very difficult for returning army personnel to see things from this new perspective, so be on hand to support with simple, everyday tasks as and when they require a little nudge.
Give Them Time
Above all, don’t rush your loved one to readjust, or feel as though there are any time limits on the support you might be expected to provide. Take your time to get reacquainted and discover the new little things about each other that you love so much. Acceptance is vital; accept that things are likely to be different, but look for and find the positives in this new normal. They’re there, we promise.
Who Can You Turn To?
If you’re part of a military family, the chances are you’ve been given several resources relating to your loved one’s work, detailing the kinds of things you can expect when they return to the household following a tour of duty or upon completion of their designated years of service. The Ministry of Defence’s website carries several advisory documents about returning personnel and the kinds of support available for veterans, including details of the nearest chaplaincy, a nominated welfare officer and numerous helplines. Such resources are likely to prove invaluable as you anticipate the arrival of your loved one back into the family fold.
However, it’s not uncommon for military families to feel isolated; sometimes the literature provided by employers and related faculties just isn’t enough to prepare parents, partners, and children for how their loved ones might be feeling, or acting, upon their return. That is when the work of the organisation Help for Heroes becomes immeasurably important.
Help for Heroes works tirelessly to offer support, advice and practical information to returning veterans, military personnel and their families, ensuring that no one feels alone for very long. Indeed, thanks to the efforts of this charity, more military families than ever before are seeking and receiving the help they need to ensure the transition from army life to civilian living is as painless and nurturing as possible. If you’ve been struggling to support your loved one after his or her return home from the army, you’ll no doubt find the charity’s network a lifeline.
During the winter months, a time of year when the sacrifices of our fellow men and women are particularly in our thoughts, it’s important to note that it’s not only the families of returning military personnel and army veterans who can help these valuable members of society to survive and thrive in their local communities. By taking part in local charity events, or volunteering your time and services to an organisation such as Help for Heroes, you can ensure that returning servicemen and women are given the welcome – and the positive civilian lives – they deserve.